


enough

by hiatuskid



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, Gen, M/M, Non-conclusive Ending, Sad, Sadness, Self destruction, kinda hurt/comfort?, you kinda just read and it and make it up yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 00:18:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18712645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiatuskid/pseuds/hiatuskid
Summary: only tyler knows that he’s not sick enough.he doesn’t know why his parents can’t see it, or his doctors, or his therapist, or josh. he just knows that they can’t and that they’re wrong.





	enough

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first fic, sorry it’s posted as a chapter idk hoe to do it normal jeksmsma. i plan on writing and publishing more like this like frequently so <3 enjoy   
> twitter is @hiatuskid

only tyler knows that he’s not sick enough. 

he doesn’t know why his parents can’t see it, or his doctors, or his therapist, or josh. he just knows that they can’t and that they’re wrong.

sick people are thin. tyler used to be thin, he used to 10 pounds underweight until his mom caught him and took him to the doctor and the doctor made him eat more. tyler used to be pale and have brittle nails and be tired all the time, but he’s not anymore. he’s not sick anymore. it was hard to keep going when there was no scale to motive him and two doctors and two parents and three siblings all with eyes on him. it was hard to keep going when they all made him feel like it’s ok to eat and that he’s allowed to get better.

tyler purges. sometimes he purges so many times a week he can’t count, after a binge of 2,000 calories in the shower after he gets home from school, or after allowing himself a slice of pizza and two cookies at lunch. tyler’s throat often burns, his head hurts and his chest is tight and the skin on his hands are dry from the stomach acid constantly flowing over them. but sometimes he doesn’t. sometimes he’ll go a full week without throwing up or taking a laxative or exercising. he wasn’t sick. sick people did those things on a constant basis.

sick people are consistent. sick people will eat x amount of calories a day, exercise for x amount of time, eat at x time a day and lose x amount of weight. tyler wasn’t like that. tyler would start by trying to eat a little cleaner, some more fruits and veggies and less carbs, eat more for less. a few days later it’d turn into caloric restriction, but without the scale he couldn’t get high off of seeing his weight fall so he’d cave and binge. he’d have some cookies and some chips and maybe a soda, he’d go into the candy stash in his room and have some chocolate and marshmallows and then some ice cream to top it off. then he’d eat dinner with his family like nothing was wrong, and let the guilt eat him away, and then after dinner go into the shower, turn up the volume on his music and then throw up. he’d throw up ten, twenty, thirty times, pushing his fingers further down his throat and then pushing the chunks of food down the drain. once he was dizzy and lightheaded and so dehydrated and weak he could barely stand, he’d get out the shower, yell at himself for binging in the first place and think about how bad he was. the next day, he’d try to eat normally, try to give himself a break before the never-ending cycle continued, but then feel extreme guilt, guilt so strong he’d think about just how nice it’d be to take some pills and slit his wrists and end his life right then, but he couldn’t do that, he had family and younger siblings and he knew trying to kill himself was extremely difficult anyways.

tyler wasn’t sick enough.

josh knew tyler was sick. josh would see hIm bounce his leg at lunch and then disappear to the bathrooms before 7th hour started, see tears in his eyes when they video called because tyler had just eaten dinner and didn’t have time to purge and now he was stressed. he saw tyler was miserable, always looking tired and sad, beating himself up over every mistake, thinking he was the most worthless thing in existence. josh saw tyler suffering and miserable, but there was only so much josh could do. josh knew he had a therapist and family and doctors, but he only saw the doctors every few months and was good at hiding things from his family and his therapist couldn’t make him do anything or tell anything to his parents unless tyler said he wanted to kill himself.

josh knew tyler was sick enough and warranted all the love and help and support needed to recover in the world, but tyler didn’t. tyler just wanted to keep destroying himself.


End file.
